I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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