ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
