apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
