We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
