Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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