I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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