I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
