I feel like abortions should bother me more
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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