craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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