Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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