You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
