please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
