found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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