Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
