If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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