um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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