I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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