I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
