oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
