She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
