I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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