Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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