Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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