omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I just sharted jello shots
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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