So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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