And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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