You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
