Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
