This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
