Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
