I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
