I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
