I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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