We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
