everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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