I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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