At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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