Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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