susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
