I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
