one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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