I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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