I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
