Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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