I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
