I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
