I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
