i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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