we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
