So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
