I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
