think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
