I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
