No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize