I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
