Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
