i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
