Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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