I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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