maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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