it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
