girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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