Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
