That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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