I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
