it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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