I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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