and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
